Big Event January

Well,

As some of you know, I had my interview today at Pacific University. I have to say that as an experience, regardless of outcome, I met some of the coolest people from all different medical backgrounds, from all over the states today. I spoke with students about how they managed being away from their families, how it is to be $100 k in debt, how they continue going on when they feel there is no way they are going to be able to retain the wealth of information they are expected to. Every student was enthusiastic about the program, passionate about communicating to us the willingness of the faculty to help students succeed.

I really enjoyed the experience. I have never interviewed for a graduate school before, especially since I don't have my Bachelor's degree. I think that I was the only one in today's group that didn't yet earn a bachelor's degree. I was one of two who showed up wearing an outfit that was not a suit. I was the only one who went to the wrong campus first, therefor showing up a mere 5 minutes prior to program start time.

Surprisingly, the admission invitations and denials will go out Monday or Tuesday, so we should be informed of our status by next week. How lucky are we? The earlier groups have been waiting for months! The agony!

Dan and I went up and stayed at the Grand Lodge, had dinner with a friend, and soaked in the pool before heading to bed last night. We are glad to be home, and I am thankful that this chapter is done, and I can get back to my full load of classes. I have neglected them over the past week because its been so hard to think about anything but this day. And now this day is over, and I have done the best I can.

Why is Change so Scary?

Why is the thought of change, any change, such a frightening one? The thought of change, especially big change is one that evokes in me stomach churning nausea, which could be misinterpreted as the excited butterfly-feeling also, but I know better. What is it about big changes that we don't want to deal with? Is it the difficulty? The unfamiliarity? Is it a fear that we can't return to where we were? Perhaps it is the idea of the commitment to the change that is the source of apprehension. All I know is I have been presented a very unexpected opportunity, and I am terrified to seize it, and terrified to blow it simultaneously. I feel split in two and held together with inferior glue. Like I could just split in half at any given moment. I suppose it is a good thing that I simply don't have time for halving myself right now. This chance requires a drastic change in my school schedule, one that will require me to really manage my time and energy in the most efficient manner, and one that will require more time than I gave to school in this last year, while continuing to work. It is nerve wracking and has the potential to be hugely life changing for myself and my husband. Despite the fearful butterflies, I am trying my best to keep my head on straight, my eyes open to all the goals that need to be met to keep all the doors wide open for decision making a bit down the road.